If you’re finding the days after Christmas unexpectedly tough, you’re not alone. While the festive season is often filled with joy, it can also leave us feeling tired, overwhelmed, or even a little lost once the celebrations are over. Whether you’re missing loved ones, feeling the pressure of family expectations, or simply struggling to get back into the rhythm of daily life, this blog is for you. So, take a moment, make yourself a coffee and let’s explore why these feelings are so common – and how you can gently support yourself as the new year begins.
Many people find the period after Christmas unexpectedly challenging. If you are feeling tired, low or overwhelmed you are not alone. I am writing this in the last days before Christmas and right now it is all about looking forward to the holiday and a chance to unwind. I have been devouring Nigel Slater’s The Christmas Chronicles for the last month which has inspired me to make my first ever Christmas cake and to stock the cupboard with some ‘experimental’ drinks brewing in readiness for when guests pop round.
But I am thinking also of the period when Christmas and the New Year have been celebrated, the parties are over and the decorations stored away for another year and, maybe, the new year isn’t looking full to the brim with opportunity and you don’t feel rested, relaxed and ready to take on new challenges. Rather than ‘New Year, New You!’ you are feeling “Can I have the next two months under the duvet please?”
Christmas is a time which is layered with complicated feelings. We have powerful memories from childhood - some good, some bad - but all of them influence what your expectations are and how you feel. Maybe you had a house full of people or have been staying with family and don’t feel you have had a moment to yourself. In the turmoil of a family Christmas, it is easy to get caught up in the tasks of present buying, decorating and cooking that you don’t get any time to rest and when the festive season fades you are staring at work beginning on Monday and feeling you never had a chance to rest.
The Hidden Exhaustion of the Festive season
How many rows are sparked each year over the perfect way to cook the Christmas meal? One of my friends is a food blogger and she told me once that if you wanted to design the worst meal to attempt to cook at Christmas it would be roasting a turkey. Turkey is a notoriously tricky bird to cook without it coming out of the oven dry as toast. Then there are roast potatoes, gravy, hours spent assembling and cooking a Christmas pudding and you are supposed to perform this culinary miracle -that would tax the skills of any Michelin starred chef - after a few more glasses of wine then was entirely wise.
Christmas is often portrayed as a time for happy families, but real life is rarely so simple. When we’re with relatives, old patterns can resurface. You might find yourself arguing with a sibling or feeling hurt by a parent’s remark just as you did years ago.
The media bombards us with images of happy families radiating uncomplicated love and pride and showering each other with perfect gifts and this creates a pressure to conform to how we think Christmas “should” be. At its best, it can be wonderful, but it can often be a time of disappointment when after all the build-up it passes by in a flash and just didn’t live up to what you had hoped.
Missing Loved Ones and Feeling Alone
Alongside family pressures, many people also find themselves reflecting on personal relationships and losses during the season. Perhaps you have been missing someone this year and Christmas, with its focus on family, can be a hard time if you have lost someone, whether this is the first year without them or if you lost them years ago. The memories are sharper at this time of year when the friends you usually rely on are off celebrating with their families and you are left on your own.
Gift giving can sometimes expose a fault line in relationships. Most of us will have had that experience that someone bought you a gift without any thought put into it at all. The gift set picked up on a last-minute trip to Boots or some gift picked without imagination or care which makes you feel this person barely knows you at all or just doesn’t care anymore. This can bring up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings about your relationship and maybe you are finding yourself not wanting to make plans with them for the coming year. Perhaps the end of the year and the beginning of the next has made you reflect on where you are in life, and you know that something must change but you don’t know what or where to begin.
Seeking Support: It’s Ok to Take Time for Yourself
None of this is rare and you are not unusual if you have felt one or more of the situations I have described above. Family dynamics are always complicated and can leave you feeling misunderstood or rejected. Christmas with its expectations can have a subterranean thread of disappointment which leaves you confused, sad and wondering what to do next.
If Christmas hasn’t gone the way you wished, if it has stirred up some difficult feelings, you are not the alone and it’s ok to take some time out and reflect on what you are feeling. Before you get back onto the hamster wheel of daily life, you have a right to give yourself some time to rest. You don’t have to rush to any decisions, but you might benefit from taking some time to think and reflect on where you are and what you want from life.
I have been a therapist for fourteen years and none of the situations I have described are unusual and many people come through my door after the holiday because it has brought them face to face with feelings they have ignored for too long and it is exhausting keeping painful feelings out of sight. If any of situations I have described above sound familiar, then I am here if you would like to talk.